So yeah.... it's been awhile...

Hello again to all 2 of you who will read this. I don't know why I haven't written a blog post in almost 3 years, but I digress. 'Tis time to get back to it!

About 7 months ago, I experienced the most exciting thing to happen to me in my engineering career thus far..... I got fired!

You may say to yourself, "How could such an epic engineer get fired? Was he TOO smart for his own good? Did he extort millions of dollars from the CEO and is now posting from his island fortress or jail cell?"

The answer is... neither. The truth is that I was let go for "financial reasons." I'm not sure how a company can let someone go nearly 3 years after the crazy financial downturn America suffered in 2008 and call it "financial reasons" but whatever. I think it had something to do with the new boss they hired who decided to cleanse our department and replace us with minions from her old company. Seriously, someone has been fired from my old department every 2 months or so since I was let go. Conspiracy much?

So after I had gone back the next day to collect my personal things and experience the most awkward goodbyes ever, I found myself in the state of unemployment. Being unemployed was really awesome for about 2 weeks. I did whatever I wanted. I watched Maury, I went all day without putting on pants, I beat video games I had been putting off, I took naps at 10:30 AM because I was tired from "all that staying awake", and finally I performed my State mandated "3 job related searches a week" in order to keep collecting my unemployment check. After that glorious 2 weeks, however, it got dull really quick.

My significant other makes enough money to constitute her wearing the pants (and belt, shoes, shirt, hat, etc.) in the family, so my income wasn't necessary to keep us going, but it severely cramped out wanna-be-yuppie lifestyle. I had to get work.... not exactly easy in an economy that hasn't quite recovered from the belly-flop it took. After the first couple of weeks I really started buckling down and looking intently for gainful employment. What I found wasn't a job.... but soul crushing disappointment.

I cannot tell you how many resumes I emailed, or how many online applications I filled out, how many "friends in the business" I talked to, but it was basically the equivalent of throwing my information in a giant black hole where nothing can escape. I would submit and application and then.... nothing. Usually not even an acknowledgement that it was received. It's hard to take after a while. I celebrated on the rare occasion that I got a rejection email. At least it was something.

I was unemployed for almost exactly 3 months. During this time period, I probably send emails to or filled out applications for at least a 100 firms in the metroplex in which I live. Of those, I probably actually heard back from around 20, and most of those were automatic responses. And of those, I was only offered employment at 1 - which I immediately jumped on. The job wasn't quite in the same field I had been working in, and I had to take a pay cut, but it is a job. That's all I could ask for.

The one upside of this new job (besides the paycheck, which isn't huge, but maybe big enough to take back the belt or maybe hat from my spouse, but definitely not the pants) is that I have upgraded from a cube to an office. I suspect new shinanigans will ensue from that alone. However, before I was "let go" at my old firm, I HAD upgraded from a interior cube to a cube by a window (seriously... ballin') and now, even though I have an office, its an interior office and I have no windows... so it's almost more prison-like than my cube was. An office does allow me to listen to music without headphones though, so that is pretty cool. I have my own personal flash-rave at around 2:30 everyday to breakup the afternoon.

If you're ever in the area, feel free to come trance out with me in my office/nightclub.

Uhn-tssss Uhn-tssss Uhn-tssss Uhn-tssss Uhn-tssss Uhn-tssss

This is about when my brain quits on me

Sarcastic Comment About the Economy Here

Yes, thanks to the economy there is little to no work to be done at work. Aside from worrying about if I’ll even have a job at the end of the year, how long my savings will last before I have move back in with my parents, and why I can never remember the conversion factor for converting square feet to acres, I now have to keep busy during work hours by reading up on local cities’ drainage ordinances and learning the many complex functions of AutoCAD Civil 3D. This requires a new level of self-motivation and endurance to keep from nodding off, daydreaming about the tastiness of Oreos, facebook stalking, reading Chuck Norris facts, and writing in your blog. I’m only human (on weekdays).

In case you didn’t know, Civil 3D is the greatest. I can say this because I have no knowledge or exposure to any other drafting programs. As I read and work through the various tutorials, I can’t help but conclude that some functions just aren’t worth learning. Like the stuff that takes so long to just set up that you could have easily used a couple of polylines and a calculator to come up with the same result 1000 times faster. Sure, Civil 3D provides a bunch of detailed and specific data about surfaces and volumes, but I don’t need it. I have come to the conclusion that the insane complexities of autocad are the result of a few disgruntled drafters who decided they were smart enough to create a program that only a few people understand so they could feel important. I’m onto you, CAD monkeys. This is why I’m taking the time to learn all your tricks (and because I don’t have anything else to do).

Nothing Like Starting the Day Off Right

Eng-jitsu, or The Art of Fighting with a Smile

Two great warriors meet on the battlefield known as Large Conference Room, they are known by many names, but here, they reveal their true forms. The Consultant and the Client. They are not friends, yet they are not enemies. They toe a very delicate line in nature. The two depend on each other and they can be very powerful allies, or the worst of enemies if the fragile balance is upset.


Being an engineer is more than just writing equations and solving problems. It is just as much a PR job. Before becoming a "professional," young engineers will almost solely devote their career to design and CAD work, but if they wish to move up the corporate food chain, they must learn about public relations and how to deal with an argumentative and/or uncooperative client.

One of the most advanced skills that more experienced engineers learn is how to argue with a client. Arguing with a client is a very delicate task. On one hand, you want to prove that your point of view is right, but on the other hand, you don't want to get fired.

Some tips for young engineers who want to master this skill of arguing with a client:

-Smile. The bigger and more obnoxious the better
-Remember that the client is almost never right, but has the power to fire you
-Use phrases like "with all due respect," or "if I may say so." Using these phrases makes it seem like what you're saying is not insulting, even if you just rattled off 10 straight "Yo Mama" jokes.
-Make jokes as un-funny and out of date as possible.
-Smile because you're wearing the most expensive suit in the room... just like you planned.
-Stretch out awkward pauses as long as possible. This will not only make the client uncomfortable, but also alienate anyone else in the room, giving you the edge.
-Never admit defeat. Use phrases like "I'll look into that" when confronted with an accusation you don't have a rebuttal for and pass the buck.
-Smile more. Now go for a creepy smile. Catch 'em off guard.
-Continually bring up how good you did on past projects for them. If they disagree, they are basically calling the past projects (that they signed off on) crap.
-Remember that you are correct and upon remembering that fact.... smile.

The Wonderful Life of Graduate School

Choosing to continue education is commonly seen as a smart move for future career advancements. An increased focus on an area of study and the ability to conduct research gives the engineering grad student an upper hand when looking for employment.

Right...

It is fair to say that many grad students choose to stay in school because, "Wow! I'm finished with school and I have a degree, but I totally don't feel qualified to do work that may kill people if I mess up. School is fun, responsibilities are minimal... Why ruin a good thing?" Sure, watching newly-employed friends count their mountains of cash is not fun, but hey, a research assistant stipend is enough to pay the bills and put (fast) food on the table. Plus, think of all the fun times as an undergrad! And with only three classes, there will be so much more time for fun!

The first few weeks are nice: school is not busy yet, so there is time to read ahead for the next lecture and still have free time in the evening. Advisers ensure that there is no hurry for research. Move in, get comfortable, meet the other students. Being paid to attend class is great, it just doesn't get any better than this! Think of poor friends and classmates, trapped in their tiny cubicles for at least eight hours a day. Listening to old engineers talk about how much tougher they had it in school with their slide rules and punch cards must be maddening. Hopefully a glimmer of natural light makes it to their work areas at some point during the day.

And then school becomes school again. Homework assignments are handed out at an interval so that the completion of one signals the start of another. Lab reports are due weekly, but it takes all weekend to determine what the professor wants in the report. Why are they not held to the same level of writing quality as their students? By now, tests do not bring fear. An A is out of the question, so why worry? Just show up and take the damn thing. As it turns out, three classes is more than enough work for one semester.

It soon becomes apparent that professors think of research assistants as employees first and students second. If the GPA climbs too high, "Why aren't you in the lab more? Do some research!" Asking for time off for, say, Christmas break, will certainly be met with, "Yea, I guess. You do know you only get two weeks off a year, right?"

Let's not forget the all important part of research: learning to research. A few motivated students had gained coveted undergrad research positions and are prepared, but most grad students are initially completely lost in the lab. Don't worry, there are people willing to help. With luck, they are fellow grad students who teach methods and procedures in lab and also give good insight on schoolwork. With no luck, they are undergrad students. They are not employees, and their work is not necessary for a thesis and subsequent graduation. In other words, they are more worried over their classes than helping explain lab techniques. Don't think about calling with an important lab emergency question, they are much too busy hanging out with friends in some café to take the call. Isn't it ironic that graduating with an engineering degree, doing something less than 0.5% of the US population has achieved, is a prerequisite for being the assistant to an undergrad researcher?

Fortunately, the lab reports end, the final exams are taken, and the lowest GPA of any semester becomes the one of most pride. A few good weeks spent sleeping until noon makes the frightening memories of school fade away and maybe brings a little pity for the friends and classmates who have already been awake for five hours, drinking commercial grade coffee in order to make it to lunch (it's probably not fair trade, shade grown, or organic...). Somewhere in the dark corners of the mind lies the awareness that school will return, its inevitability lurking closer with every day. With a little luck and a lot of hard work, that semester will finally end, bringing graduation day just a little bit closer, just beyond the thesis defense. What a happy day getting a real job will be!

Oh Contractors

There's nothing that can make you feel like all the work you do is pointless quite like doing an As-Built. You know, when you have mark up your original plans to reflect how they were actually built.

You start to notice little things like discrepancies in elevations. Okay so maybe you didn't need to get so precise when you were checking things to 2 decimal places. A few tenths off here and there aren't disasters. I can handle that the stationing is slightly off too. But then you just shake your head. The sidewalk location is 6 feet off and it seems the contractor extended paving 40 feet beyond what you had designed. I just don't know how this happens; the plans are clearly dimensioned off of existing monuments and bench marks. And now your client is footing the bill for some worthless paving with some subgrade that costs $60+ per sy.

Oh yeah and the building is also 25 ft off. But you already knew that. The contractor insisted that they didn't need your reliable surveyor to stake building coordinates. Which means all that paperwork you did for the public easements and other public areas will have to be modified because they are no longer in the right shape or location. You can at least breathe a sigh of relief that the actual finished floor is not lower than what you designed. Otherwise you'd rip your hair out. And the sewer and waterline are in the right place. Your reliable surveyor was able to bring some justice to your original plans.

You'll finish these plans in a few hours and get back to engineering new plans. Your perfectionism will be a little hurt, but you'll eventually become anal again.

Until the process repeats itself.