I don't need staples... I use somewhere from one to five staples every month (and that's because I amuse myself by using my staple remover to take out staples in different and challenging ways and end up re-stapling the same document five times).
I don't need pens. I have four Pilot Precise V5, Extra Fine pens in blue, two in black and one in red and they will most likely last me for at least three to four more years. It is a fact that these are the greatest pens in existence. If you say otherwise, it is because you have never used a PPV5EF. Go do so now and see the light. Every time I have come across someone using one, I ask them about it and the conversation always goes like this:
Me: I see you are using a PPV5EF. They are great aren't they?
Them: Yes, I love these pens more than my spouse. I'm hording them in an underground bunker in case Pilot ever goes out of business and office anarchy breaks out. I never loan one out to anyone for fear that I won't get it back.
Me: You will be a powerful ally.
(Note: When I was in college, I used Pilot G2 pens exclusively, but that was mainly because it was a "click" pen. If it had a cap I would have been searching for lost pen caps for hours on end instead of studying [read: playing World of Warcraft]. If you use a G2, I cannot fault you because they are indeed epic pens.)
When I think about the supplies I do use, well, I can't really come up with anything. I type on my keyboard, move the mouse around enough so the screen saver doesn't come on and use one pen to write down one website password on one sticky note per day.
I have a tape dispenser, but it's collecting dust. What engineer uses tape? If I accidental rip a set of plans, guess what? I have to re-plot. This isn't arts and crafts time. Same with scissors. Sometimes I use them to cut my fingernails, but hardly ever to actually cut paper (and probably after all the fingernail cutting, they couldn't cut paper anyways).
Does anyone out there know if it's possible to build a trebuchet out of office supplies? I need to be able to fling pennies at my co-worker's cube approximately 12 feet away. It doesn't need to be powerful, just accurate.
Is it possible to be sponsored by Pilot? I mean, I use their pens exclusively, and I do good work. What more of an advertisement could they want? I would wear a Pilot patch on my dress shirts or maybe wear a Pilot hat to the office. Just give me a small royalty check and all the PPV5EFs I could ever need (about ten would work), and I'm in. I'll make sure and plug your products every chance I get.
Boss: That was some barely adequate work you did on that project.
Me: I couldn't have done it without the smooth, full, and crisp lines of my Pilot Precise V5. The pen of choice for the new engineering generation. *Smile, thumbs up*
Boss: Go away.
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