Eng-jitsu, or The Art of Fighting with a Smile

Two great warriors meet on the battlefield known as Large Conference Room, they are known by many names, but here, they reveal their true forms. The Consultant and the Client. They are not friends, yet they are not enemies. They toe a very delicate line in nature. The two depend on each other and they can be very powerful allies, or the worst of enemies if the fragile balance is upset.


Being an engineer is more than just writing equations and solving problems. It is just as much a PR job. Before becoming a "professional," young engineers will almost solely devote their career to design and CAD work, but if they wish to move up the corporate food chain, they must learn about public relations and how to deal with an argumentative and/or uncooperative client.

One of the most advanced skills that more experienced engineers learn is how to argue with a client. Arguing with a client is a very delicate task. On one hand, you want to prove that your point of view is right, but on the other hand, you don't want to get fired.

Some tips for young engineers who want to master this skill of arguing with a client:

-Smile. The bigger and more obnoxious the better
-Remember that the client is almost never right, but has the power to fire you
-Use phrases like "with all due respect," or "if I may say so." Using these phrases makes it seem like what you're saying is not insulting, even if you just rattled off 10 straight "Yo Mama" jokes.
-Make jokes as un-funny and out of date as possible.
-Smile because you're wearing the most expensive suit in the room... just like you planned.
-Stretch out awkward pauses as long as possible. This will not only make the client uncomfortable, but also alienate anyone else in the room, giving you the edge.
-Never admit defeat. Use phrases like "I'll look into that" when confronted with an accusation you don't have a rebuttal for and pass the buck.
-Smile more. Now go for a creepy smile. Catch 'em off guard.
-Continually bring up how good you did on past projects for them. If they disagree, they are basically calling the past projects (that they signed off on) crap.
-Remember that you are correct and upon remembering that fact.... smile.